Summer 2011
THE TENDER JOB OF PARENTING
I awoke this morning reflecting on the poignancy and tenderness in what parents regularly share
with me about just how hard it is to be a parent.
Parents of children of varying ages - from birth through young adulthood - with whom I have
the privilege of working, have shared a variety of struggles, losses, fears, and
challenges their children have experienced during their tender growing up years, and
the accompanying trials they (the parents) experience as their children move through
difficult situations:
Additionally, parents share universal parenting challenges such as:
How we relate to the issue is the issue.
How we relate to ourselves as we move through our challenges or as we assist our
children as they move through their own trying life experiences is the issue.
Our children come into this world with their own unique ways of being. They are always
doing the best they can in all situations given their unique personalities, stages of
development, histories, and given the set of life circumstances they have been handed.
The heart of my work centers on problem-solving with parents and developing positive
strategies for parents to support themselves as well as their children with all issues of
concern.
Children are amazingly resilient Beings who demonstrate great courage and strength of
heart…often, on a daily basis.
Parents are amazingly resilient Beings who demonstrate great courage and strength of
heart…often, on a daily basis.
When looking at your parenting concerns from a place of neutrality (a perspective that
comes from innate trust, acceptance, wisdom, and unconditional loving), you might
find that things are not nearly as bad as we make them out to be in our minds.
How often do you, for example, hold the same thought over and over again about the
impossibility of your situation?
Ultimately, accepting “what is” in each moment and moving forward with grace is a
choice—often the most important choice or the only choice available to us. I'm not
suggesting that this is necessarily easy. As humans, we are often unaware when the
ego is in full operation as we experience fear, disappointment, resentment, frustration,
hurt, anger, and pain. What we can do, is allow ourselves to fully experience our
feelings (verses resisting them or stuffing them) and share our disappointments, fears,
resentments, frustrations, hurts, pains, and anger, thus allowing the space for us to
move forward in our decision-making, strategizing, or, as stated above, to simply accept
what is. What follows is, inevitably, the ability to be more forgiving with oneself and
others, to have more understanding and compassion for oneself and others, and finally,
perhaps to reside in deep gratitude and with greater wisdom.
Speaking of deep gratitude, thank you all for the courage you demonstrate in our
consultations and group meetings and for allowing your vulnerability to come forward
as you share in such a meaningful way what is present for each of you in this journey
called parenthood. You make this work I do deeply purposeful and joyful.
I look forward to meeting with you and supporting you during the next “hurdle” in your
journey.
With Loving~
melody
PREVIOUS MESSAGES:
Spring 2011: What Parents Teach Me
Spring 2010: Please Don't Hurry Your Child
Fall 2009: A Way of Being
Fall 2007: Holiday Message from Melody
Spring 2007: Father, Dad, Daddy, Pop, Papa, Pa, You are important to your child...
Winter 2007: A Shift in Perception